meditating on vulnerability

there is a medicine
to staying open
feeling the pain
and staying present anyway

loving
anyway

heart aching
body cries out to clench down
closing seems safer

but over years and miles and trails of tears
I have learned
closing down carries its own price

searing
the light that hits my
darkest places
illuminates
i’m struck dumb
sit reeling
feeling
this is what
open
is

I pray the prayer of
I am safe, I am whole, I am safe, I am broken, I am safe, I am open, I am safe
the
I am safe
the central practice

healing into the center
i attempt to
uncurl
unfurl
expand the edges of this timid core
cuore
cor
heart
of courage

I push my fingers into my midline
hit the spine
pull fingers out to the
point
of ribs

protection hasn’t served
maybe exposure
of the vulnerable spots
will

i practice
breathing
I am safe. I am open. I am broken. I am whole.

this is a prayer.